91 cm

I saw an animated short called shkizein. The main character is hit by a meteor and the side effect is that he is 91 cm beside himself. It's funny and horrifying at the same time. I also saw another short called varmints…and that was a beautiful piece that dealt with the mass destruction of our environment and how it affects others. Both were powerful and made me think.


I'd like to write about this idea of being beside or outside yourself. I think it's safe to say that we have all experienced that at one time or another. I'll just put a placeholder here for that bit of writing.

Right Place

I will say the mantra..

the mantra that has kept me safe for so long.


Everything in it's right place...Yes, everything is in it's right place.


And if she is in my heart then she's suppose to be there...

Circling the rim of my blood cells,

floating in and out of my right and left aortas. She lives beneath my eyelids.

I can see her clearly in my mind..

Her eyelashes curled up,

her hair curled out,

her scent and very essence curled around me.

I would say her name but it has power and would shock me like a defibulator, jump starting my heart.

So instead I say my mantra, because it too has power and saying a thing can make it true..

Everything in it’s right place
Everything in it’s right place
Everything in it’s right place
Everything in it’s right place
Everything in it’s right place

Everything has got to be in it’s right place, because I love her and I know there is room.

2 Little Roots

On the ground some seeds fell down.

2 little roots found each other and intertwined.

Joined, they grew strong, they grew powerful,

They pushed through the dirt and the darkness

Finding a way to survive, giving and receiving nurturing from each other--

Always striving and reaching for the light

Into the sunshine they burst

One big trunk sprouted with 2 branches united

Higher and higher the tree grew

Blooming and withering and blooming anew

Weathering the seasons and storms

Together always remaining strong

2 branches grew up and out but not apart

Healthy and beautiful and just as connected as from the start

By a big tree trunk being supported by 2 little roots deep down

In the ground seeded by love

Curly Q

She is a woman of curves and curls..

Curls in her hair

Curls in her long lashes

Curves in all the right places

Hips, ass , and more

And now I’m curled around her finger

She wears me like her favorite ring..

As I look at her and see curly haired babies and,

Swirls, and curls, and circles in the sand

I see wisps of clouds in the shape of hearts

And hear little chimes and bells to boot too.

She moves me to chuckle, to smile, to grin with a case of perma.

My heart races, and beats to her drum

I wonder, I hope, I think, can I be her 1 and

Only…

i am not here

Will I go on?
Will the world end without a Reed of grass standing tall?
I worry about these things..
almost as much as the length of my hair.

So much on my plate..black..woman..lesbian..butch.
Boiled down to nothing.
Looking for what's underneath..

Have you seen me with your eyes?
Felt me with your hands?
Heard me with your ears?
Do you know about my deconstructed soul?

Did you know
my blackness contains light?
My womanhood is precious
My love is safe inside women
My femaleness lives in peace with my maleness


My soul..is not black.or woman. or lesbian. Or butch
I think..
I think..
I think..
I'm just me.

The trouble with ex(es)..

The trouble with them is that they are sometimes messy relationships, that no amount of windex and comet can clean properly. And when I say messy, I don't mean that I'm being stalked or that anyone has threatened to bust the windows out my car. No I think I mean that they kinda just show up and when you're least expecting it, they pull on the old heart strings. I mean, it's not like i stopped loving any of them really..All I have is various degrees of love for each of them..but it's love non the less.

I have noticed that hearing their voices or smelling a scent that I associate with them can be near kryptonite sometimes. One I miss holding hands with, one could just look at me and I'd get lost in the pools of her eyes and yet another is the only other woman (besides my wife) I seriously thought could be the mother of my children… How do I reconcile myself with the lost hopes and dreams of all those relationships? How do I hold the reins of my own love for them as I interface with each and everyone one of them?

I'm aware I have quite a wonderful problem. Most people are not friends with their exes and don't give a damn what's up with them. Clearly that is not my reality. I worry about them and pray for them to be safe always. I would do anything in my power to help anyone of them if they called me in need…

I think what I understand about exes is that they represent me..different phases of my development maybe. They all carry a piece of my heart and it's precious and I can't lose it. In them I see the love that I'm capable of giving to others. I recognize it's power and I'm amazed.

Testing..

This is a test. I just want to see how this thing will look..