A Gender Moment - 3/1/11

A Gender Moment


This morning, I worked out and then went to my new building to take a shower. When I got in there I realized it was like a woman's locker room at the gym, with the shower stalls and the open space to change clothes. I panicked. What if a woman came in while I was getting dressed and saw me putting on my fruit of a loom tighty whities?? My heart started racing and I considered not taking a shower…only I was really sweaty. After taking a few deep breathes, I reasoned that if someone walked in, it might be uncomfortable for a minute but we'd all get over it. I mean, what's going to happen? She gonna revoke my woman card? Go tell my mama I'm wearing the wrong underwear? I'm grown..it's ok…So armed with this self talk I took the shower and got started with my day…



But here again is the nature of the gender fear that I think some butches face…I love women and they terrify me…even though I see myself as a women( a different type, but a woman none the less)

My Father's Face - 10/7/09

My Father's Face


When I was small I remember my father coming into my room and standing over me. It was almost like a waking dream. I wasn't scared cause my daddy was the biggest strongest man on the planet. I was safe. As an young adult I have remembered that dream and wondered why he did stand in my room looking at me...It wasn't until 911, that I walked into my lil toddler niece's room and looked at her in her baby bed sleeping soundly….Then I understood.

We stand because we have to…

We stand because there is something to protect, and something that can be lost. We stand through our own fear and even when we really wish we could sit down…

Now as an even older adult, In this time of great turmoil in my life, I long for the waking dream so that i can see my father standing there again, in all his strength and glory, for me

I am not here - 2/11/09

I am not here

Will I go on?
Will the world end without a Reed of grass standing tall?
I worry about these things..
almost as much as the length of my hair.

So much on my plate..black..woman..lesbian..butch.
Boiled down to nothing.
Looking for what's underneath..

Have you seen me with your eyes?
Felt me with your hands?
Heard me with your ears?
Do you know about my deconstructed soul?

Did you know
my blackness contains light?
My womanhood is precious
My love is safe inside women
My femaleness lives in peace with my maleness


My soul..is not black.or woman. or lesbian. Or butch
I think..
I think..
I think..
I'm just me.